an addiction problem or more than that?
Today I realize that until now I haven’t able to control myself in term of using time. I still love to hold my works until the dateline arrive. Well, not only arrive, but also beyond arrive. Do you now what I mean. For example: this blog. I already have a plan to write for this blog. Because writing blog in internet café will be expensive, so I was planed to do it in my house first, then I upload it in internet with a flashdisk. But do you now, I’ve already plan this since November? And I just realize it right now. So, what things influence me to hold my work like this? First, I thought it was my addict to a computer game. You see, I really like playing computer game, especially football manager, until late of night (ooohhh…the game is just so fantastic). Just when I start to run my computer, and have my left hand above the keyboard and my right hand on the mouse, that football manager start “calling” me. And that happen, instead of my right hand clicking my data (to work), it click the football manager application. Then I speak to myself “ok, I only play this for 1 hour, not more!” But then 1 hour become 2 hours, and 2 hours become 3 hours. And when I realize, I’ve already too sleepy too work. And it will be the same again tomorrow, the next day, or the next week. But then I realize, it’s not about my addiction to the game, it’s about I don’t have determination to do my work. I don’t have a will to walk extra miles to finish it. If I have it, right now that game already vanished from my computer. But why I don’t have determination? Now, it’s all clear. It is not about addiction to a game, it is not about my laziness. But this is about I don’t have anything to pursue in my life. I don’t have anything that I want to achieve. And if I have, it is not clear enough to make me want to achieve it. For GOD sake!! It is bigger than an addiction problem. If I have something to achieve in my life (and it’s clear enough-I’m wondering do I need to make OGSM for my life?), I will have determination to make it happen. And if I have determination (and also discipline), I will make my work on time. Sometimes I think I’m a “past” person. I always wonder: “oh, where is my passion now, I have had it 2 years ago”, or “GOD, why I don’t have any passion like I did 2 years ago”. I should stop thinking of that and start thinking of the future. I’m already 24,5. I will be 25 in June. And it is bad if you already 25 and still wondering where will you go from here. I should know it 2 years ago. Well I hope this is a good beginning for me. People always say that the first step to end your problem is to admit that you HAVE a problem. Well, we’ll see.
(i need this)
(i need this)
4 Comments:
i think it's ok if you addicted to the game such as Football Manager calibre.. it shows that you have good sense of gaming..
FYI, i am now on my fifth season with everton.. and coasting to win england premiership.. and those Roman's guys are trailing in the 2nd position
heheheh...
and about not going the extra miles.. maybe it happens because you don't have much love to do yer work.. -if love really does exist-
It's just like me.. but you're way better than me cos i don't even have a job to hate..
keep the spirit high, my friend
and now...
i have a Rooney to be man marked.. :-D
I'll give you information for best player:
vincenzo iaquinta- i use him and he score 44 goals in a season!
wesley sneijder- good playmaker and have great long shot!
sebastian squillaci-good defender
good youngster:
billy jones- crewe
joao moutinho- benfica
wesley sneijder- ajax
gary o'neill- prtsmouth
joey barton- man city
nicolae mitea- ajax
nigel de jong- ajax
alberto zapater- zaragoza
vincent kompany- anderlecth
best formation ever:
4-3-2-1
4-4-2 free role
can you imagine if you are really really addicted to @??? how you make it stop???
OMG bimananta, you just described my present life. I have my final year project that was supposed to be due weeks ago, yet I can't seem to find the determination to actually do it. I first thought it was because of all the weed I was smoking, but after forcing myself to stop it didn't change much. Then I thought it was because of Football Manager, so I stopped it, only to start becoming addicted to music. I just can't seem to force myself to finish the work, and to be honest I don't really know why. I never felt like this before, my self-esteem is rock bottom and I feel like I'm doomed to failure, even though my marks during the year were pretty good and the project should be relatively easy. Maybe I should go and see a shrink...
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